Spaving and Other Spending Dysfunctions
Spaving: To purchase a product, item or commodity on sale–usually under misconstrued expectations of the product’s potential for garnering a purpose and saving its owner money in the future–that has no apparent, quantifiable utility in the present. Some people, usually fiscally responsible people, can successfully utilize the art of Spaving in their lives. For instance, many people purchase Christmas gifts for their children while that gift is on sale during the summer. However, Spaving is also notorious for being an abused practice, a concept which convinces the relatively naive into making investments that will never prove advantageous, convenient or practical at any point in their lives. Spaving persuades people to spend, and, many times, waste money that could have been collecting interest in a savings account on, once all is said and done, an obsolete television set collecting dust in the attic, or a pair of designer jeans that were two sizes too small (but 50% off) at the time of purchase, and which now hang lifeless in the closet like a condemned pirate dangling from the gallows.
Spaving, especially in the alligator-infested swamps of strip malls, outlet stores and Internet sites, is a dangerous practice, similar, in a way, to playing online poker; if one is conscientious and responsible about Spaving, it at times can be a profitable enterprise. However, people often Spave without abandon, rummaging through clearance racks like rabid raccoons through trash with vague intentions–in some weird, distorted sense of the term–of saving money. Spaving is dangerous because it triggers a shopper’s most wistful inhibitions from behind a thin promise of saving said shopper money in the future; it tricks people into buying things they don’t need. Advice: If you tend to be rather promiscuous with the plastic in your pocket, don’t Spave!
Of other common spending dysfunctions, perhaps none plagues society more than Retail Therapy. A perpetual nemesis of the female shopper, Retail Therapy is exactly what it sounds like: Shopping for comfort. The urge to indulge in this practice is often triggered by a tumultuous break-up, a long, stressful day or even the untimely birth of an obnoxious blemish. Obviously, the thought of treating yourself to a new outfit or accessory after such strenuous events is quite comforting to many people, and far from condemnable. However, like gambling, or flirting with a level-1 narcotic, few can dabble in Retail Therapy without drowning. In fact, most gorge themselves until their closets are bulging with high-heeled pumps and their bank accounts are emaciated. Similar advice as that provided for tempering your inclinations to Spave is suggested for Retail Therapy: Unless you know yourself to be of that rare breed of human who can occasionally smoke a cigarette without becoming addicted, don’t allow yourself to even consider heading to the mall after being assigned jury duty, being denied that promotion, or even after the death of your dog–the slope is too steep.
Money can be saved and condolence can be found at places without mannequins in the windows. Remember that.